FAQ and Answers (all of which are perfectly acceptable)

In a previous post I mentioned what you should NOT ask new parents but I failed to tell you which questions were perfectly safe. Encouraged even.

Below are some of the questions Lou & I have been asked by friends & family since spilling the news. Our personal FAQs if you will. In case you were wondering some of these things yourself, I thought I might as well clear them up here!

(Random, not at all baby related picture I felt the need to include because it's fun)

Q: When are you due? (excellent question!)
A: January 8th, 2012.

Q: Hmmm... January 8th. Ouch. That means you can't fly during the holidays. Where will you spend Christmas?? (mean yet valid question)
A: We have no idea.

Q: So does that mean you'll be having the baby in Belgium? Or in the U.S.?
A: We aren't sure yet. There are a oodles of pros & a few cons for both so it's a tough one. We'll keep you posted.

Q: How would having a baby in Belgium differ from in the U.S.?
A: Well, seeing as how we have pretty limited experience when it comes to giving birth, either in the U.S. or Belgium, I'm afraid the following is going to be based purely on anecdotes from friends who have been through the process in both places:

- The average Belgian doc gives more ultrasounds than the average U.S. doc
- If you go the hospital route, after delivery, the mom & baby stay for an average of 3 days. More if there are complications, less if everything went great and you really need to be at home.
- Having a doctor and a midwife help you in the weeks up to your due date as well as in the delivery is not uncommon. (note: I have no idea what this costs)
- Unless you deliver in Flanders (where I live) or at certain hospitals in Brussels, there's a decent chance you will have nurses who do not speak perfect English.

And... that's it. Yeah, I thought there would be more differences too. Guess there's only so many ways you can have a baby in countries with solid medical care. If we were expats in West Africa, the list might be longer.

Q: If you have the baby in Belgium will it get dual citizenship?
A: I wish. Sadly, these are the rules:

A person born in Belgium (to non-Belgian parents) is a Belgian citizen if that person:

- holds no other nationality at the time of birth (i.e., is stateless) OR;
- loses any other nationality before turning 18 OR;
- has a parent who was born in Belgium or who has lived in Belgium for at least five years during the last 10 years OR;
- is adopted (while under 18) by a parent holding another nationality who was born in Belgium and who has had their main place of residence in Belgium for five years during the 10 year period before the adoption takes effect.
- has two parents or adoptive parents born abroad who submitted a declaration before that person's twelfth birthday requesting that the person be granted Belgian nationality. Belgium must have been the parents' main place of residence during the 10 years preceding the declaration, and the person must have lived in Belgium since birth.

Basically, this means that the only way we'd get the baby to have Belgian citizenship is if we were to stay here for another 6 years and then submit a declaration. I love Belgium and all, but I'm not sure I'd last another 6 years...

(sorry, maybe next time)

Q: Will you find out if it's a boy or a girl?
A: Provided he/she cooperates in the ultrasounds, absolutely! We'll need all the time we can get to prepare a nursery, get baby clothes in colors other than yellow or green and... think of a name in the event it's a girl. (Current contenders in the girl's name department: 1/2 of one name. Super.)

Mystery Solved

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage..."

When I was little, I took this nursery rhyme as a commandment.

When I was in high school, I learned that step 3 sometimes comes before step 2.

When I was in college, I learned that step 3 sometimes comes before step 2 or even step 1.
Post college, I wondered why there wasn't a "first comes love, then comes a shared lease, then comes a baby all wrapped in fleece" version.

Now? Now I know why the nursery rhyme is so enduring. Why, despite the many ways of bringing little babies into this world, the love, marriage, carriage sequence is pretty ideal.

Would you like to know why? It's simple.

Pregnant ladies are insane. Completely and totally batshit insane.

And. If they didn't have a ring on their finger, their formerly loving partner would leave them faster than you can say 'mood swing.'

No, seriously. If you are in the incredulous camp, I totally feel you. I used to listen friends and coworkers talk about their own pregnancies or those of their friends and secretly scoff at the anecdotes:

"Nausea all day?" Oh please. Take some pepto bismal and quit complaining.
"Food aversions?" As if anyone likes peas to begin with.
"Extreme exhausion?" I'd like an afternoon nap as well but that doesn't mean I'm pregnant.
"Heightened emotions?" Sorry to say, you were just as manic before.

But now? Oh my. Karma sure caught up with me. For the last 6-8 weeks I've had symptoms that I used to think were purely psychosomatic but now know to be anything but:

- Nausea in the morning, late afternoon and evening. In case you are curious, it is every bit as attractive as you imagine. I spent most nights laying on the couch making strange groaning noises and shooting Lou death glares while he happily ate his dinner or drank a beer. I'm sure he's never loved me as much as during those quiet evenings together.

- I stopped being able to eat standby favorites such as salmon, anything green (broccoli, asparagus, spinach), tomatoes, cheese and... PASTA. (the pasta thing only lasted two weeks but those were 14 very long, confusing days) Lou and I had more than one 'invasion of the body snatchers' conversations.

- I don't think I've had the extreme exhaustion thing. It's kind of hard to tell. I nearly passed out a few times at work but, I mean, I work in tax. Welcome to the exciting world of accounting, folks.

- As for the last one... heightened emotions? Oy vey. Just as the nausea thing quieted down (I haven't been sick in a week! Yay me! Yay stomach!) the emotions ratcheted up.

For example: Waitress at the bagel place took 35 minutes to bring us our order? Usually, I'd be cool with it. I mean, it's Belgium. That sort of thing is par for the course. But this time? I was apoplectic. Lou had to talk me down from screaming for our brunch, asking to speak with her manager and demanding that our bill be reduced (3 MAJOR no-no's in Belgium). To appease me, he politely inquired as to the status of our order and said "great, thanks!" when she replied they would be out shortly. Usually, that's what I do! Since when did he become me and I become a raging witch?

Also: Two weekends ago we were supposed to go to this music festival. After 30 minutes of running around the apartment like crazy people we were all packed and ready to walk out the door when we realized that neither of us had printed out the tickets. Which meant we wouldn't make it in time to see Jimmy Eat World. Concerned over this, I ran to the computer to look up nearby places to print out the tix and, as I did so, I sobbed. Sobbed! Body wracking, giant tear dropping sobs. Lou stood there, helpless and understandably confused, and tried to explain that he had already seen Jimmy Eat World live twice. And they were great shows. No way this 1 hour set would top his memory. And did I even like Jimmy Eat World? "well, there's that [hiccup] one song [hiccup] that i like."


(Great song, but not worth going into hysterics over. Especially since friends said they didn't even play it.)

Right. I lost it over missing a band we were ambivalent about seeing in the first place. I. Am. Losing. My. Mind.


Thank goodness he married me. Otherwise, he'd be out the door. And I wouldn't be able to blame him in the least.

What NOT to ask/say/do to the newly pregnant....

As you may have guessed from the fact that I wrote about the latest development - Baby! Woah! - on here, now that we at nearly 14 weeks we have started sharing the big news.

It's been going fairly well so far. Our bosses are supportive, our coworkers are friendly, our families are super excited and our friends are happy it's us and not them. But in between the love fests, there have been a few odd moments. A look here. A phrase there. Just enough to make me catalogue a list of all the things a person may want to consider when someone tells them they are having a baby. You know, in case they like that couple and want the couple to like them back.

We do not gag at the thought of these bundles of cuteness, we say 'congratulations!'

What NOT to Ask/Say/Do to the Newly Pregnant:

1. Do NOT ask: "Are you happy?"

What the parents-to-be will think: Why shouldn't we be? You must not think we are ready for this. Why?? Was it the keg stand I did last weekend? Because you know I only do that occasionally.
Better question: "Congratulations! How exciting! When are you due?"

2. Do NOT say: "I totally guessed it! I noticed your pants were a little tight last week..."
What the mother-to-be will think: Are you calling me fat?
Better statement: "Congratulations! Wow! You look great!"


3. Do NOT: Touch the mother's belly.

Unless you are related or she knows you very well, don't. And even then, just don't. Just tell her she looks great. Just tell her she looks great.

4. Do NOT say: Has that lunch meat been cooked? When did you last eat sushi? Are you getting enough exercise? Are you sure you are getting enough Vitamin K?

What the mother-to-be will think: My doctor says I'm doing fine. Why are you picking on me?
Better question: "Congratulations! When are you due? You look great!"

5. Do NOT say: "Are you scared? You should be. Oh, and do you like sleep? Because you won't be getting any for the next decade!"What the parents-to-be will think: THANKS for that. THANKS.
Better question: "Wow! When are you due? You look great!"

6. Do NOT: Make a gagging noise and say "We're going out for happy hour! Who's in?"

What the mother-to-be will think: Screw you.
Better response: Anything else. Seriously, anything.

This totally makes up for it, don't ya think?

Hello,

If the combination of numbers and letters above my last post are to be trusted, it appears I have been gone for nearly 3 months. Wowzers. While the excuses are many (12 at last count) and several are standards (lots of travel + work) the final excuse totally makes up for my absence. I promise.


You see. I've been under the weather for the last, oh, 11 weeks or so.


It started on May 13th. Friday, May13th. Despite the ominous date, it was a gorgeous day and I was all walking happily to the grocery store thinking, "You know, Belgium doesn't suck when it's sunny and warm," when my stomach suddenly started doing backflips. I chalked it up to an odd lunch and continued on my merry way. Lou was in England until Monday for a Pink Floyd concert so I was determined to stock up on all the foods I love (but Lou can only handle in small doses: pasta, pesto, parmesan cheese and perhaps a little more pasta).

After another stomach flip in the meat section and then again near the produce, I found myself walking down the ladies hygiene aisle and realized that I hadn't had to frequent this area in... um... 5 weeks? 6 maybe? I started running numbers in my head and then bee-lined for the section full of those other sorts of ladies products.

Sandwiched between shampoos and first aid supply was a narrow column of a variety of things you wouldn't want your grandmother to see you buying. So. Obviously. I was surrounded by grandmothers. And fathers. And little kids. Because all of Leuven was shopping at this time. In this store. Right next to me. And as I stood there, trying to figure out which box could possibly the test taking sort of box, I felt like there were a 100 knowing glances directed at me. Kowning and yet completely unhelpful as there were no cutesy pictures on the boxes or any other helpful clues. Finally, after racking my brain for the proper translation and pushing boxes aside, I finally found - hidden behind a box of products aimed at preventing the need for these types of excursions - a ZWANGERSCHAPTEST!!

Yeah. ZWANGERSCHAPTEST. Not an obvious translation. Fortunately, this one was made by Clearblue so I knew I had the right kind of product.

Anyways, I rushed to the checkout, made my purchase as inconspicuously as possible and fast walked the two blocks home.

And... tick tock, tick tock... wouldn't you know? Those stomach turns? Totally not lunch-related. Not even a little.

They were caused by a little baby who had taken up residence about 6 weeks previously.

Little Keppler has hung in there for about 13.5 weeks and we (I broke the news practically the minute he walked in the door from London) could not be more excited. And thrilled. And all those other positive adjectives.

More news to follow, I'm sure.

now. wasn't that a good excuse?? I certainly think so.